hmmm.
HMMM.
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
i'm feeling quite empty.
hmmmmmmmmmm.
hi cow.
hi girlfriend.
hi celest.
hi doris.
hi eun.
hi ezdi.
hi nad.
hi quin.
hi ed.


o yes.
the italian job is ooh-la-la!
high speed, flashy cars, and perfect planning.
keeping my eyes entertained ay.
and another thing,
venice!
i'm dying to go there.

be careful of what you wish for.
last month i wished i had a flip phone.
yesterday, i got my flip phone.
my 6610 read my mind,
and attempted to morph into my heart's desire.
It tried..and nearrrrllllly made it there.
so yup, my flip phone!
not exactly the way i wanted it,
but yeah, it DID flip.


Watch it flip

after an entire 3 months plus of silence,
she suddenly forwarded a msg to me.
it's weirddddd. *shrugs*
remember the damn encouragin note she wrote fer me at concourse..
and those really touchin sms..
but,
i still remember her coldness when i msged her to ask her about stuff last dec
she only replied after i msged her both phones 5 times?
//sulks


wassup man?


maybe she didn't mean to forward it to me,
maybe it was meant for someone else...
but i guess, in a way, it's good to know that,
she didn't delete my number off her contact list.
grrrrr.. nt tht i'm tt close to her
but those times when we sms-ed daily were nice.
and it was darn cute cuz we wouldn't talk in school
but we'd talk through sms.
mmmmmmm... *ponders ponders*

they say a picture speaks a thousand words.
here's it:



got my loofah and my foot scrub,


and yes, my xbox as well.
so my room's PURRFECT now. *blinks*
bye world. i'm stuck to my room.

today's the 22nd February.
22nd feb marks thinking day.
to my fourteen other gorgeous girl guides (1999-2001),
steph, keatwee, doris, charmaine, meibao, peiwon, huiyee, xingying, jingting, jiawen, onara, yasmin, jinxiu, ying ying,
happy thinking day.
let's take this day, to think about those times we spent tgt. in laughter and tears.


i promise to do my best: to do my duty to god, to serve my country, and help other people, and to keep the guide law.


and yeah, to the scouts, we had a fair share of bickers. but it was fun still. (=

oh ho ho ho. now i know why i love used to love cough mixture.
there's proof that it actually works! ahahas.
kays, that's not funny.
but yeah... i've got no more cough mixture anyways.

this hot chick came today.
for four hundred and thirty bucks.

this is my new bitch.
she'll be keeping me entertained for nights and nights to come.
she's mine. all mine.

i spent two hours copying these lyrics. yeah... chinese. headache, headache.


going to stop crying. these tears will lead to nowhere.
i'll live through this shit..and someday, everything will just be fine.
things resolve naturally...
maybe..maybe..
or am i just decieving myself..? blargh.
i sound damn pathetic this couple of days..
and i feel pathetic.
shucks..

met up wid celestina..oh yes, she's a working woman now. all dressed up in shirts and pants... man, she looked like career woman. i can even picture her 10 years later, working in her own office, signing documents and all. (celest, how much are you going to pay me for this statement???) woms, i really really really miss u alot alot a lot. darrnn..never knew our situations are similar grrrrrr.. but at least u've got ur answer now so u're in bliss lar....and if u want the cake-mixer, just msg me ok..?
fuck. listening to all those sad sad songs by tonya mitchell and brian mcknight.. making me feel cacat all over..up..down..left...right...inside and round about. fuck. why am i all teary? fuckit fuckit fuckit. tears, STAY IN UR Bloody goddamn tear duct. assy tear duct..what the hell are you doing? trying to drain my body of my water content or what!
growls...my language is getting trashy..
grrrr..mixed feelings now...part of me misses someone lyk crazy and wants to see the person right now...the other part of me just wants to stay home and cry and cry and cry..
was at the busstop opp, lookng up at e rm window..mmmmm....wished a face wld pop out of tt window but yeah, that's nt possible...oh wells.

in my dad's lab waiting for work to begin. dad's outside washing his car..
time reading: 7.04am. (starting wrk: 8.30am) *laughs*
sound of the chirping birds outside + the lizards in the dark corners of the lab.
it's so quiet in here that for a while, i thought i could hear my heart speaking out loud. It's dying...crying...silently, like a weeping willow by the pond.......alone.
i need to get out of this mood. need to heal..heal FAST. i'm not a person who likes to drag. plah...whatevers. whatevers. *sad face*

i know i'm stupid.
i know i should just pack up and go. to leave,
and let you learn the hard way.
i know you'll feel the pain if i choose to leave
and i also know, that you know, that you only have yourself to blame.
you tell me "stay", but your actions are screaming "GO AWAY!"


i feel damn stupid. i think i'm damn stupid. i know for the very fact that i AM stupid.
i know i could be strong. i know i could just say "you deserve this fucking bastard", turn my heart cold and leave. i know i can rely on all the people around me who love me to break my fall and to climb back up again.


i was searching for a reason to why i should stay...
initially when it was all anger and hatred and hurt and confusion, i couldn't find a reason to stay. but when i pushed those emotions away, and thought about the past, i remembered all that you've done for me. and above all that, you were there for me when i needed you. how could i leave? sigh.


//how could an angel break my heart?

just.needed.to.put.my.tears.in.pictures.so.that.i.could.breathe.a.little.more.

feel like crap.
no, wait.
i AM crap.
waddafuckinbullshit.
yeah..I AM CRAP!
my life is crap.
so crappy tt u aren't replying to my msgs anymore!
fuck.

on a lighter note,
my dear dear dearest touch girls + cow + gil,
made a guest appearance in my sleep.

should i stay, or should i go? says:
rip my heart out and leave me here to bleed.
should i stay, or should i go? says:
could i
girrrrl~ rip my heart out and leave me here to bleed says:
haa.. you cant.. cos some ppl have already done that to us
should i stay, or should i go? says:
so i've got no more heart ezdi.
should i stay, or should i go? says:
but since i don't have a heart wid me,
should i stay, or should i go? says:
why can't i be heartless

Had a drive
Driven by your love
But when you messed around
I lost the drive I found

Thought you needed
Needed someone true
But you changed your mind
Or had I failed you?

Wish you'd been
Careful with my heart
But you tore it apart
And broke an angel’s heart

The kiss was true
Has to end somehow
But I am livin' proof of what love is about

CHORUS
It's hard holding you
Loving you, losing you
It’s sad to be true
And be fooled by you
I don't know (I don't know)
I gotta know
Should I stay or should I go?

You played me on
Played me like a clown
But I feel for you
Even though I'm down

My heart is heavy
Heavy like a rock
But I am so amused
You're still in my thoughts

CHORUS

Oooohh…should I stay?
Should I go?

CHORUS

This time its done
It'll never feel the same
But we had some good times
Guess it's sad just the same

I guess the truth
Doesn't matter somehow
But you were livin' proof of what love is about


//girl is crushed.

right now,
i need them.
shihan,celest,ezdi,nad,mai,momo,quin,gil,vivis,bin,chailee,guang.
desperately.
i'm broken.
and i can't get up.
i can't breathe.
i can't pretend i'm alright.
because i know i'm not.

and sometimes, you cry till your pillow's all wet. till your eyelids are puffy and you can't open your eyes. and the tears just keep flowing. the mind's too empty to tell the tears to stop flowing.
and your heart has shattered into a million bits.
and you know that you don't have the strength to climb out of bed. you don't want to talk.


ineedtocut.tofeelthati'malive.toknowthatistillexist.torememberthati'mhuman.tocurethisnumbfeeling.

one year ago i stayed up till 5am to make cookies and pack chocolates.
this year, i'm up again to sew.
yes, SEW
so my darlin babes, check your mailboxes soon! (not so soon..but soon? i hope.)
going against technology..snail mail rox.
and if what you see in your envelopes doesn't please your eye,
like for eg, lousy endings, ugly stitches,
DO not whine!!!!
for glory DID try. ahahahas...
oh yes. happy vday. (:
//goes back to pink thread, purpur felt and purpur hearts.
*squeals* very nice very nice. (:

i have gone missing for a while. to find myself. (ya right) lala.
and i shall continue to go missing for more whiles. lala.








celest, this was what i was doing while u nagged at me from 11pm to 2am.
LOL. *grins widely*

went dwn to singapore naval base to watch the jrs' game.
after tt was just chilling out wid my darlings... *smiles*
ahh, all that celest, ezdi, nad and mai said makes purrfect sense.
enjoy bein wid them...
because it's like, suddenly, everything doesn't matter anymore.

luff u all! *muacks*

shihan says i'm evil because i like to lead guys on..
but i don't think i'm evil...
it's just pure entertainment for the bored soul..
they're just plain stupid...


haven't been blogging..
still feelin quite stoned maybe
and the work load's coming in..
phonecalls, brochures, filing, enquiries, counter duty, typing in data..


work today was pretty fun..
flirting at the counter.. hurrr..
thr wuz diz damn nice guy..
asked him to help us get another of the freebie organizer
(yes, SP admin office staff are "gian beng")
cuz they didn't wanna give us anymore..
he went up, got two for me,
and even got ice cream for me!
haha.. but i cldn't eat at the counter..
so i rejected it.
-sulks- ice cream..ice cream.. i want ice cream
//nudges gege...
gege, i want ice cream! let's go eat when u book-out k?
preeeeettty pleeeaaassseee?


mmm..
ur missed calls on my phone for the past two nights
will u call again tonight?
the phone's by my side today...
i'm waiting for ur call..
Call! call!!
i miss you..
*pouts*

awake.stoned.
shall pretend to slp..
and stay in bed..
till it's time for work tomorrow.
don't feel like talking,
or doing anything.
i'm just,
stoned.
too much med lst nyt, my liver hurts.

I don't feel too good today...never felt worse...
walked around in town...so many people around me..
but it was silence i heard inside...
your warmth...your touch...everything about you,
makes me smile.
and today,
perhaps we're both very confused people..
we don't know what we want.
i'm sorry.
and if, i take my leave for a while,
please remember,
how much you mean to me...
more than yesterday, and lesser than tomorrow
//tears
extra cough syrup today, to let me sleep through tomorrow...

at the current moment i earn $45.96 a day.
for 7 hrs of wrk, i get $45.96!
which means i get $6.56 an hour..
minus CPF cut, i get $5.25 an hour...
which, is MORE THAN WHAT I GET AT BILLABONG...
for just sitting down.
and,
i've got my own phone!
so call me people... at ... 6772 8884..
for next week, my name shall be polly.
so ASK for polly haha
*grin*