freaky nightmare

a couple of days ago i dreamt i had three guinea pigs. they were fat, furry, and probably the cutest you'd ever see. but i was a really bad owner who neglected the furry balls. they shrank into the size of hamsters, and lost so much fur you could see their veins under the skin. they had scabs and raw wounds with maggots climbing in and out of their bodies. the first two died and flies were swarming all over but i didn't even notice. and the final one eventually died cause the maggots finished consuming the first two and started on the third one.

eeeek. i was so happy to wake up to see my guinea pig still looking fat and furry. WHEEK WHEEK.

since the sudden death of one of my two guinea pigs two years ago, i've been living in fear that one day i'd wake up to see Funky motionless. Silky's illness caught me by surprise. there were no symptoms and in those couple of house before i brought her to the vet she was still behaving normally. ryan always scolds me for disturbing Funky in her sleep, but the truth is, she's lying so still that i get scared. so seeing her shift in annoyance gives me assurance that she's okay. i don't want to be the one to find Funky gone. i watched silky struggle and die in my palms..

and it's all flooding back now. fu ck.


i'm gonna climb back into bed to get some hugs from ryan. i miss silky. )):